Are you abusing someone you love?

1. Is your partner afraid of you sometimes?

2. Are you jealous of your partner?

3. Do you need to know where your partner is at all times and with whom and doing what?

4. Are you very protective of your partner?

5. Do you consider yourself the ruler of your castle?

6. Do you feel like sometimes you have to put your foot down to straighten things out in your relationship?

7. Have you ever hit, slapped, choked or pushed your partner?

8. Do you feel like your partner just couldn't survive without your help?

9. Do you need to feel needed?

10. Have you ever said "Don't make me angry!"?

11. Have you ever threatened your partner?

12. Have you ever said something that your partner might consider a threat, even if you never really would do it or were "just joking"?

13. Have you ever said or thought "If I can't have you, nobody can!"?
14. Have you found that all of your partners seem to turn into the same (annoying, infuriating) person after a while?
15. Have you ever had sex shortly after a violent episode?
16. Have you ever thrown things or hit walls during an argument with your partner?
17. Do you find yourself "convincing" your partner on a regular basis to do things that he or she would rather not do?
18. Do you consider it important that things go your way?
19. Do you think that your partner sometimes deserves to be hit?
20. Do you think that your partner sometimes wants to be hit?
21. Have you ever found yourself smiling or laughing when your partner is hurt?
22. Have you been arrested for violent behavior you've committed because the cops were stupid?

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Have you ever gone to jail for violent behavior you've committed because:

• the judge was an idiot or was out to get you?

• your attorney was incompetent?

• overly sensitive people blew your behavior way out of proportion?

Have you ever intentionally harmed or broken something which was important to your partner?

Have you ever been afraid to tell someone about something that happened between you and your partner because you were afraid that they wouldn't understand and that you would be in trouble (maybe even legal trouble)?

Are you sure that you don't have an abuse problem because:

• you see people around you doing worse all the time?

• you never meant to hurt anybody?

• you are a harmless, loveable person?

• anybody else would treat your partner at least as badly?

• you think that you are better or smarter than abusers?

• you love your partner?

• you never hit your partner?

• your partner always hits you back/first/more?

• your friends all tell you that it's okay?

Do you think you have an anger problem?

Do you feel like you're surrounded by people who are less intelligent?

Do you feel like you need to protect your family from meddling outsiders who just don't or won't understand the way things work in your family?

Have you ever seen your partner "tune out" while you were yelling at him or her?

Have you ever seen your partner honestly fear you?

Are you afraid to ask for help in addressing your behavior because:

• you might lose your job?

• you might lose your friends?

• it will be too expensive?

• you might lose your family?

• you don't want to be the only one changing?

Have you ever followed your partner when he or she didn't want you to?

Have you ever physically stopped your partner from leaving?

Is it important to you that others, particularly your partner, agree with you?

Would you be completely non-violent and non-threatening "if only...."?

Have you been told by your partner or others that you are:

• selfish?

• mean?

• controlling?

• critical?

• stubborn?

• manipulative?

• cruel?

• arrogant?

• hypocritical?

Do you find yourself answering questions here with "yes, but..."?

Have you ever threatened or attempted to kill yourself or a partner?

Do you know, in your heart-of-hearts, that you have been abusive to your partner, and you just don't know what to do about it or how to stop?

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We aren't here to judge we are only here to help. If you have answered yes to several of the above questions you may need help.

For help call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at:1-800-799-SAFE, for the hearing impaired call: 1-800-787-3224(TDD)